I have a secret...

I am not exactly sure who this blog audience consists of, but I would venture to guess that most people who read this regularly know me personally. Most of you probably know what I am about to tell you, so forgive me if you do. I am telling this because it is cathartic for me.

My family has a pretty strong history of depression. I have never really struggled with depression, and I somewhat prided myself on that. To me depression was something you had control over. As in, "quit being so stinkin' sad and realize how blessed you are." It annoyed me greatly when someone told me they were depressed.
All that changed on July 4, 2010. I woke up that morning with a very strong feeling of apathy. I was totally indifferent to my 5 month old, my husband, my job, everything. It literally happened over night. It was not even scary to me, because I truly didn't care about anything. I didn't even care that I didn't care. I remember just praying to my wonderful Father while I showered that morning. I was praying for Him to take those feelings away, or lack thereof. I knew I had no reason to be apathetic, yet I was. The next few days went by in a fog. I only can recall that I constantly prayed that I would care about my family and feel connected to them. A few days later, I called my OB's office and left a message for the on-call nurse. She must have sensed urgency in my voice, because I had the on-call doc stop me at the nurses' station at work later that day and ask me what was going on. She told me that she had the same feelings after her twins were born years earlier, and that I would feel normal again. She gave me a prescription for Prozac.

Later that day, another doctor that I work with, a male doctor, stopped me and asked me if I was "okay" because I seemed depressed. I was shocked that he noticed. That was a sign that I needed to take the Prozac. Chad was very worried throughout these dark weeks. He didn't understand what I had to be "sad" about, and neither did I.
I got the prescription filled that day.
The pharmacist advised me not to breastfeed while taking Prozac, so I quit taking it after 2 weeks because I was worried what it was doing to my baby. I got a prescription for Effexor and an estrogen patch, both of which are to help depression subside. Neither worked for me, probably because I was once again worried about the effects of the drug on Cohen, so I quit taking the Effexor after a few weeks.
Slowly I came out of the funk and started to feel normal again when Cohen was 10 months.
I was extremely worried I would have this problem again with my second child. I dreaded it. I was so scared that I had felt so un-connected to my family and the world around me and was desperate to avoid it this time.
My doctor gave me a script for Prozac on the day I was discharged from the hospital after having Sutton. I filled it immediately and began taking it the next day. I consulted with the lactation nurses, several OB docs, a few friends, and my friend Katie who is a pharmacist...all who agreed that the benefits far outweigh the risks to Sutton through breastmilk. I have been taking it ever since.
It is typical to wean of the Prozac at 6 months postpartum. So I am starting to do that now, although I am a little apprehensive. Okay, a lot. Maybe totally terrified is more like it. We'll see how it goes.

Hoping for lots of bright days!
Kelly

Family Pictures

We had Cohen's 2 year and Sutton's 6 month pictures taken last weekend. My fabulous sister-in-law normally  takes our pictures but she is such an amazing photographer that she is always booked with either weddings or family shoots that it's difficult for us to coordinate our schedules. So...our friend and neighbor Tiffany Sharpe took some great pictures. You can find her, or my sister in law Mollie Cochrane on Facebook:)

In all of our family pictures someone was either having a meltdown or closing their eyes:/

This makes me smile!

Daddy and his baby boy!

Daddy and his big boy!
Chad looks super "studly" in this picture!

Hahaha!!!

I am SO glad I am not the type to pay several hundred dollars for pictures of my kids. Why? Because since Cohen has turned 2, the camera-loving, cooperative child has vanished and has been replaced with a tantrum-throwing toddler. Tiffany was a trooper because Cohen did not want to cooperate AT ALL, yet she still got a few smiles.

Sutton is Six Months!

Sutton is now 6 months old. He has mostly outgrown the colic and people often remark on what a happy baby he is. After talking with one of my best girlfriends today, I had to admit to myself that he probably did/does have a dairy sensitivity. He continues to have a period of intense screaming and back-arching for at least 40 minutes every day around 2pm. He also spits up large amounts, some projectile, numerous times per day. But I am thankful that it has improved immensely since he was an infant.

Sleeping on Daddy's shoulder with his favorite thumb and lovie.

His first taste of baby cereal at 6 months

I think he really looks like his Mommy here:)

Such a sweet smile.

Happy, happy Sutton Henry!

He had his six month check up last week and he weighed 16lbs 9oz. That is 2 pounds bigger than Co was at 6 months. He also got 1 shot and he didn't even cry. We still have a few more to get though. I plan to make his baby food like I made Cohens. I had so much fun doing it, and I'm sure it saved me money$. I have some veggies on the stove right now that I am going to freeze for him. Time will tell how long I can keep up the homemade baby food though.

Off to make some sweet potatoes for this little man...

Sutton is Five Months....Sort of!

Our sweet Sutton Henry is five months. He was born on September 30, yet there isn't a 30 of February, so I decided he'll stay 4 months for another month:) He is such a joy to us. Everyone comments on what a happy baby he is.

In case you read this one day.... Here are some things I want you to know, Sutton.
-You are a wonderful sleeper. You go to bed at 6pm and sleep until 5am, then back to sleep until 7:30 when your brother wakes you up.
-You love blowing raspberries now. Cohen copies you because he thinks it is so funny.
-You still love your right thumb. It is in your mouth everytime you are fussy or sleepy. Sometimes I will go check on you at night and see that you fell asleep with your thumb in your mouth and your lovie in your other hand.
-You usually sleep on your right side, with your face planted against the crib bumper.
-You love kicking your legs and talking to everyone.
-You laugh out loud several times a day at your brother. He laughs back. I love watching you guys become best friends.
-You roll onto your belly within a couple of minutes of being on your back. After you tire of holding yourself up, you love to lay on your tummy and suck your thumb while watching Mommy and Cohen.
-You laugh and smile at everyone with your cute dimples. Makes my heart melt:)
-You hate the swing, but love the exersaucer.
-You are a good little nurser. (I know, super embarrassing! But Mommy appreciates it)

These boys are so much fun! They interact more every day. Chad and I enjoy every second of them. I even savor the crazy moments because I know they are fleeting, and one day I will miss having spit up all over me and carrying a screaming, kicking 2 year old to my car after a day at the park.
Here are some pictures of my sweet littles.

Counting my blessings twice!
Kelly

Moving Up.....!

I have been feeling very stagnant with my career lately. I LOVE being a nurse, and I LOVE being a labor and delivery nurse, yet I am constantly looking to grow as a professional. Well, after about a year of interviews, management changes, and maternity leave, I finally got hired as an assistant nurse manager of labor and delivery!
I  am excited about this new chapter in my career. I would love to become a Chief Nursing Officer (CNO) one day.
I know this job will present challenges to me in many ways, but I am so ready for it!

Come see me at The Women's and Childrens' Hospital if you're having a baby:)

Cohen is Two!!

We had a great time celebrating Cohen's second birthday. On the day of his birthday, I dropped Sutton off at Ms. Lily's house so I could dedicate the day to my big boy. We went to Chick-fil-A and I had free coffee while he played in the play area. We ran errands, then I took him to Ms. Lily's so I could put together his Thomas the Train table we got him for his birthday. Chad and I went to Ms. Lily's at 4:30 for Cohen's birthday party with his friends Liam and Duke. Ms. Lily goes all out for the kids' birthdays. They had fruit, goldfish, and cupcakes. Then Cohen got a birthday gift of 2 diggers from Ms Lily, a camera from Liam, and a bubble-blowing lawnmower from Duke. Ms Lily also gives party favors to Sutton, Duke, and Liam. The "favors" are actual toys, not chincy dollar-bin gifts! We love Ms. Lily.
Saturday was Cohen's big party. The weather was a bit chilly and quite windy, but we all had a great time. It was a construction theme since that is Co's fasination now. I had fun decorating and putting together favor bags, but the wind made my decorating challenging. We had the party at the park down the street so all the kiddos could run wild.

The party hats. Even though most kids didn't wear them.
The table cloths were made to look like roads!

The Favor bags. They had a mini "digger," digger stickers, and Playdoh.

The big truck is where the hot dogs were served. You can see the dirt cake in indivdual cups with "caution" tape.

As you can see, Cohen had a great time. He was smiling the entire time. He got so many great gifts.

His shirt was perfect for his party. My friend Andrea made it, and it was a huge hit with Cohen!

Sweet Sutton was loved on by everyone at the party and got in plenty of cuddle time with his grandparents and aunts.

We came home after the party and all four of us were exhausted. So we all took a 2.5 hour nap! When we woke up Chad wanted to go get Cohen a train with an engine, so we went to Toys R Us and got a train and a potty. I don't plan on potty-training now, but I wanted a potty in the house for him to get used to sitting on.

We had a very wonderful, exhausting weekend with our perfect family of four and all of our extended family and friends. We are so blessed!

Wishing you a wonderful week!

Kelly

Sick boy(s)!

I will be the first to get super-pumped when winter arrives and beg for snow. I LOVE winter. But I am ready for spring because Old Man Winter is making all 3 of my boys sick. Sutton has been coughing for a few days now but his personality is still as precious and bubbly as ever. Chad feels puny. Cohen, on the contrary, is pitiful.

He has a fever of 102-103.5 the past two days and his nose is like a faucet on full blast, and he is coughing so much. He keeps saying, "Crash, ears, loud!" I am not sure if this is because he is talking about his trip with Daddy to the Monster Truck Show Saturday, or if he is trying to tell me his ears hurt. I know that often times, you don't give antibiotics to kids 2 and over for ear infections and instead just tough it out until it goes away. So as of now, I don't have a doctor appointment scheduled for him. Just lots of Emergen-C and love from Mommy.

I took Sutton to the amazing sitter Miss Lily today and decided to have a cuddly day with my sick bigger boy. So I went to Walmart to get Vicks Vapor-rub to put on his feet. And we saw this movie. It's one of Cohen's favorite books. We had to get it. Cohen carried it the whole time and wanted to watch it as soon as we got home.

He still takes a paci at bedtime and naptime. I will take it away one day, but not today. He only wants the paci upside-down though! He also has to have his dog all the time. He plays with his tail as you can see in this picture. Poor baby feels like poo.

Sutton spits up A TON. I'm sure I've said this before. Well, Monday night before I went to work, he spit up a large amount as he often does, but this time it was full of coffee-ground looking stuff. As a nurse I know that usually means there is old blood somewhere in his stomach or esophagus. I felt a bit panicked and called the on-call doc who said it sounds like there is an irritated area in his little esophagus from all the spitting up he does. He did it again yesterday. I'm taking him to the doctor tomorrow. He doesn't seem to be hurting at all and is still a smiling, laughing ball of joy. But I am a bit worried for my littlest one:(

And here is a sweet picture of my loves on Sunday at Nana and Pop's house after church. They are starting to interact with each other. Sutton giggles at Cohen and Cohen always looks for Sutton as asks for him when he isn't in the same room. I LOVE this small age gap. I highly recommend having your kids this close in age....At least I do now. I may change my mind as Sutton becomes mobile.

Hoping for some healthy boys in the Cochrane house soon!
Kelly