Thursday, July 17, 2014

Its Been Way Too Long..

I have been trying to be Supermom for way too long.
I work at least 36 hours a week, but most often more than that.
I have an obsession with keeping my house clean, laundry put away, dishes clean and beds made.
I go without sleep for 24 hours one day a week.
All of this for what?

I spend less time with my kids,
Less time with my husband,
And less time with my Father
Because I am trying to be perfect in every aspect of my life.
Yet, I am failing.

Do my kids care if our house is spotless?
Does my husband care if I cook dinner and keep up the laundry?
Does God care about any of this?

I know the answer. It came to me like a thief in the night this week.
These years are fleeting. With my husband and our boys.
I prayed and I cried out to God yesterday over this.
"Please show me how to slow down and savor each day with the ones I love.
Help me to release the addiction to pursue perfection. Help me to find perfection in
You and You alone."

I promise myself, Chad, the boys, and my Creator that I will not put my house cleaning above
any of them. I will not be the Pinterest Perfect Mom that I often desire to be. I will only promise to be
fully present in my family's lives.
"There's a temptation to multi-task everything, but you can't multi-task presence."
                                                                                                         -Cindy Crawford

These things I want to never forget

These are happenings of our lives from the Winter of 2013-Summer of 2014

-"It's what I have to!"
Everytime we ask either of the boys "why" they did something, they both answer with, "It's what I had/have to!" Sutton started this little saying and Cohen now copies him.

-Cohen peeing on tire at gas station
The three of us stopped to get gas at Kroger on the way home from a busy morning. Cohen had to pee. I started the gas pump, left Sutton in the car, and Cohen and I went to the bathroom. It was occupied. Cohen started to panic. He said he had to go "so very bad." I told him to just pull down his pants and pee. He did just that. Peed right on the front tire of my car. And the gas station was people waiting in line, crowded.
-"I wuv you mommy" in the night and first thing in the morning
As soon as Sutton wakes up the first thing he says is "I wuv you, Mommy.'
We let him sleep with us recently (he rarely gets too because he tosses and turns too much) and he woke up 3 times during the night, grabbed my cheeks, and said, "I wuv you, Mommy!" He still is very much a Momma's boy, but still doesn't like to be cuddled.
-The way Sutton spits when he's mad
Literally every time I picked Sutton up from preschool and Sunday school, I would ask him if he was good.
His response every time, "No. I hit and spit and sayed bad words." I asked the teachers after a couple of weeks of him telling me this if it were true. They all told me he is a perfect child and does nothing bad. He's such a little turkey. On the way home from dinner one night, Cohen said, "Sutton is hitting and spitting." I said, "Sutton, are you hitting and spitting and saying bad words?" Cohen, "No, he's just hitting and spitting."
Sutton had not said anything to defend himself, and had sat quietly in the back seat. Then he said, "Poo-poo!" Chad and I laughed out loud. Sutton wanted to be sure he also said a bad word.
-Both boys still say Oot when they want to be held
The boys are now 2.5 and 4 years old, yet they still both say "oot me" when they want to be held or carried. I love this!
-S telling me that bear was cats "grandma"
Sutton asked Chad to get his "daddy." Chad said, "Im right here, buddy." Sutton said, "no, my other Daddy. Right there on the floor.' He has a bear named Daddy. Recently he has added a sister and a second daddy to his little family.
-Me falling asleep under Christmas tree
The week before Thanksgiving I had great plans to put up the Christmas tree after I got off of work. I knew I had to stay awake all day with the boys so I wanted to be sure to stay busy so I could stay awake. I got out the old Christmas tree that Mike and Rita had when they first married, and started to put it up in the playroom. I had it assembled and "fluffed" when I realized it was crooked. I sat on the floor to adjust the base and the tree fell on me. I was so exhausted from working the night before that I just allowed myself to lay there with the tree on top of me. It was almost comfortable. I fell asleep. I have no idea how long I was asleep under that tree....It could've been 2 minutes, it could've been 30. I just woke up to the boys' voices saying, "What's mommy doing? Mommy, why are you under the tree?" Then their little hands were reaching through the branches to touch me.